Sometimes, during the dissertation, you might find yourself getting really needy. You need feedback from your committee, you need to finish writing the next section, you need some sleep, and you need to feel like you’re making progress. At times, all these needs bump into one another and leave you feeling stupid and worthless and like a failure or an imposter. When you’ve gotten to this point, it means that your needs have become larger than the balance of your self care. Stated another way, it’s like you’ve overdrafted your self care bank account. When this happens, rather than pushing on through, or pretending you don’t feel this way, it’s best to take two big steps back, regroup, and feel better before moving ahead again. When we focus exclusively on one life area, it’s natural for the rest of our lives to go slightly out of balance. Neediness arises when there has been a significant unbalancing. The best way to combat this is to get back in balance again, with activities that make you feel refreshed and relaxed. Always consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs when making your decisions. The first order needs are for food, water, sleep, then safety, security, and the needs move up from there. If you’re feeling needy and off balance, start by fulfilling the most basic needs (eating, sleeping, etc.) first, then deal with anything that makes you feel unsafe, insecure, or worried… by taking care of your needs at this level, you’ll keep from becoming overwhelmed by neediness and suffering needlessly.
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